Forever
by thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: Dez reflects on how much he loves Trish and the long painful journey that eventually brought them together. - Finding Courage Universe


Maybe it's because it hasn't been long, but he can hardly see her without feeling overwhelmed. Getting to have someone else to walk through life with and having it be her is nothing short of a gift. He knows it's going to be a long time before he stops feeling grateful that she's his. She is so beautiful and strong and full of life. She may be imperfect, but she's still the perfect life partner for him and mother and female role model for his son. He is not good with words, and there's so much he would never be able to capture even were he to try to draw or paint her. How can you capture undomitable drive or a perfect knowledge of what she wants out of life?

She eludes description, and he wonders how he ever missed how attracted to her he is. Her curls are his most favorite thing, and when she laughs and crinkles up her nose, he feels like his face will split in two from smiling too much. He thinks her skin is the most perfect shade and loves the curves of her ears and the shortness of toes. She's the perfect size for hugging and twirling in the kitchen, and when she stands up on tiptoes to kiss him, it's the cutest thing. It's so much more than a mere infatuation. It's right, and it has been right since the beginning. He only didn't know, but he feels that something inside him must have known from the first day they met. He was so young and clueless then. Perhaps he knew about love but not about turning it into a happily ever after. Still, he thinks some part of him was always reaching for her, and it's not stopped all this time. Getting to be with her now and put his hands on her face and wind his finger around her curls and kiss her feels like simply too much.

He doesn't regret Carrie at all. It wasn't the wrong decision. He has never once regretted marrying her or spending so many years together or choosing her to be the mother of his son. He loved her very much and still does. If he's learned anything from losing her, it's that love is the strongest force in the world. Love can last forever, and even death is not strong enough to touch it. She filled his life and heart with so much kindness and love. He still misses her a lot. He misses her soft smile and sweet gentle voice. He misses the way she depended on him when times got tough. She needed him; Trish doesn't need him. He had needed her too. He had been so young then and so unsure of himself and life itself. If he's honest, he admits that he didn't believe in his dreams or at least not enough to see them come true. Carrie had always believed in him, and when he had been unsure, she had never hesitated to reassure him. Emboldened by her confidence, he had gone out and pursued his dreams and built confidence of own. He had always imagined he would be devastated without her, and he had been heartbroken when the loss came but not destroyed. Perhaps she had left him, but the confidence he had found with her by his side never wavered. It stayed firm as he found his way to the best life for Darrie a path that had ultimately lead him to Trish.

Any regrets he has are about Trish. He will never not regret making choices that helped push her to Chuck. He made his choices, and she made hers, but his heart aches for the part he had something that proved so devastating to her. They never talk about Chuck. It's probably all too fresh for her, and besides, she knows Chuck has always been a sore spot for him. But even in the short time they've spent together, he's learned more than he ever wanted to know about that abysmal chapter of her life. When they first married, her expectations caused pain to fill his soul. It was obvious she wanted to marry him and knew him to be kind, but she acted like his happiness mattered most and hers didn't matter at all. She had expected him to tell her what he wanted, and she had been ready to give him anything. It was devastating to him that to her marriage had only ever meant endless unhappiness and that she had expected nothing better with him. He cried about it more than once when she wasn't looking. Perhaps she had chosen Chuck, but she had done nothing to deserve his cruelty.

His anger at Chuck knew no bounds. He had never liked the man but strictly for impersonal reasons. Now, he hated his actions, his personality, and his cruel heart. How could he dare to treat a woman this way? What a shame to the name of good men like Dez himself that he would act so despicable? Trish was remarkable. He knew no other way to describe her building the confidence and becoming a boss woman all on her own. He had depended on Carrie to help him as he floundered and found his way, but Trish—she had done it alone. She had lived the happily single life pursuing her dreams of a career she loved and making it too. Yet, she had in a move he's sure she later bitterly regretted threw that all away for life with Chuck. There's no way she would have imagined him being so cruel. Doubtless, she had thought she would have been happy; she should have been happy. She's a good woman—no less easy to live with than anybody else. Chuck was the one that should have been happy with her. Instead, he made her serve him and give him a baby only to he leave her with it when she didn't give him the boy he wanted. It's nothing short of disgusting, and Dez hates Chuck for it every day.

Worst yet is thinking of who she could be had she not thrown her life away for him. She would be already be a successful actress perhaps or a writer. Most importantly, she would be happier and more sure of the joy she can give to others. Watching her, he knows she feels like she can never measure up. She's always thinking he's not pleased. The house could be cleaner, she in a more chipper mood and dressed more attractively, but to him, it's all perfect. He is not alone. He is with her—his better half, his soulmate, the woman of his dreams. Their life is not perfect, but life never is. When he sees her struggling, he only loves her more and strives to do better at showing her just how remarkable she is. Oh, how he despises having to live with the pain of the mistakes, but how much better is it to be with her now than never at all? He knows that this is just the beginning. She's doing better now—better than she ever did with Chuck, and he knows that as the years pass her confidence will only grow. He will be to her like Carrie was to him and believe in her until she remembers how to believe in herself. Someday, she will be everything she was destined to be, and this will all be a distant memory.

Pain aside, he feels so truly lucky. He loves her with every part of himself and finds her so beautiful in every way. His heart overflows to her because she is his one—the one he has chosen, the only one for him. He will love her forever until her hair turns gray and her nose gets more crinkles and her pace slows, and even that will be far too short. He will bask in the joy that she is with him and the confidence that love can last forever.


End file.
